so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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