Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
