no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
