Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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