She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
