Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
operation have a gay friend backfired
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
