fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
