i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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