I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
