Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
