For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
