i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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