Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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