Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
