What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
