I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
