Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
