i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
soo... how was my night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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