i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
