also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She bit a glass in half.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
