Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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