I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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