and you said cock pushups were impossible
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
