I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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