i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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