Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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