i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
