pedialite and red bull = repair kit
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
