youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
