i barfeds in our rink
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
