Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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