it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
