Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
