Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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