I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
