3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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