Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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