We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
