I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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