They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
