I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
