can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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