I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
