I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
