I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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