I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
