you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
