Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
