I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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