He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
