I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
