We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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