I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
