That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
