i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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