I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
